Was there ever a time when I was able to sleep till noon on weekends? Was there ever a time when evening out did not have to be pre-planned a month in advance? Was I ever able to walk around my house without stepping on a crayon and nearly breaking my neck? Was there ever a time when making a decision did not involve me being left feeling guilty no matter which choice I made? Was it ever possible to devote my full and undivided attention to an adult conversation without wondering what is my child up to at the moment? Was I ever allowed to be a little selfish and self-indulgent? Did I actually buy those Louboutins or was that just a dream... When did I start preferring Mothercare to Selfridges? What did I do with all that free time? How did I live without my little darling?
Motherhood is the most amazing thing in the world, but it's also hard. Yes, hard. No one ever tells you that it will be hard. Yes, you hear about sleepless nights, but that's just one tiny little aspect of motherhood. It is hard because no one ever teaches you about it. It's not like you can get internship at Motherhood HQ, is it? So every single decision that you make about your child is purely based on your own instincs (or Google). And God forbid, if for some reason the decision you make works out to be the wrong one, or is criticised by someone else, then you are left with one ginormous feeling of guilt. Oh yes, guilt goes hand in hand with love in motherhood. You decide to go out for the evening - feeling guilty, you decide to go to work - feeling guilty, you leave your child in front of Peppa the Pig so you can get some things done - feeling guilty, you decide not to take your child to a playgroup because it is pissing down with rain and you just cannot be bothered - feeling extremely guilty. The list goes on and on and on. I've never put so much thought into making decisions like I do now, because I now have future and well being of my child in my hands, and trust me, this can be a very daunting thing.
Add tantrums, colds and sore tummies into an equation and it sometimes surprises me how us parents still manage to survive without loosing the plot (wine helps!). We brush off biscuit crumbs from our tops or houmous from our shoes (goodbye my gorgeous DKNY flats...), put on straight faces (or even a smile) and just soldier on. Being a parent one certainly has to learn to remain calm (no swearing in front of a child...I am still mastering that) and we do, but trust me, there underneath all that calmness, ocassionaly (often) there is a parent who is just about to explode! The main thing remains though, no matter what, motherhood (or parenthood) is the most incredible thing in the world. I cannot remeber the days when I loved and laughed so much. Or felt so proud!
Cheers to a lifetime of motherhood!